Thursday, July 24, 2008

Ode to lawn ornaments

~~~~~~~~A break (big) from reality~~~~~~~~~~~~

I recently got a most excellent lawn ornament from a Halloween friend, she calls them Skel-o-ingos. A must have for any Goth/Halloween/sense of humor gardener.
In my naivety, I thought that they were just a the product of forgetting to feed your lawn ornaments while on vacation. But earlier today I learned their true origin.

It appears that a race of metal creatures, called "Gnome Bgones" did the noble work of ridding the world of garden gnomes. As an avid gardner, I believe it is truly an under appreciated service. Here is a rare photo of them at work.

As their numbers dwindled, the gnomes of France fought back and pulled their money together to finance the movie Amélie. This proved to be a huge setback for the Gnome Bgones. The world was now flooded with tourists lugging around gnomes on their vacation. All seemed lost.

Kowing that gnomes were less popular in the US, the Gnome Bgones tried to break into Hollywood only to see their gnome destruction scene in Gremlins fall to the cutting room floor. It was clear that another plan was needed.

Since everyone in New Zealand hates gnomes*, the Gnome Bgones broke into Peter Jackson's home and scribble in a new scene in "Frighteners", that depicted many gnomes being run over and crushed. The New Zealand loathing for gnomes paid off and the scene stayed in the movie. The Gnomes Bgone showed the gnomes of the world they meant business.

Today the gnome population is at an all time low. The world is not yet gnome free, but we are getting closer.

Today many of the Gnome Bgones find themselves with too much free time.

The brave have gone on to fight the evil master himself the Travelocity gnome.

Sadly it appears the younger generation believe with the backing of Travelocity's marketing budget the master is untouchable and the battle is lost. Many have turned to a life of crime, stealing garden gloves for fun. (The clever ones frame a cat.)

Luckily for many of us gardners, a large population retired in Florida, to discover their new enemy - pink flamingos!

With their fresh new purpose the Gnome Bgones are back at work and the gardening world is safe again.

Keep fighting the good fight boys, my garden thanks you.

Got gnomes or flamingos? Get your own Gnome Bgone!

Support the Gnome Bgones and get your own Skel-o-ingo.

(BTW-yes, I know the dates of the movie references don't work exactly, perfectly, absolutely in order - but then neither do I.)

*allegedly (creative license)

~~~~~~~~back to the work/real world/play ~~~~~~~~

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