Monday, April 4, 2011

Something just flew and landed

on my steering wheel as I was driving home on Friday night.  I thought (okay, let's say "hoped") that is was a small flying thing......anything...anything that had wings.....and not eight legs.

I do not need my glasses to drive, but I do to read....so sometimes the small details in front of me are hard to see.

Small details like what the *&%$! that is now on my steering wheel?!?

No, it could not be....really, maybe the wings just look like legs?

No, no denying it....those are legs....eight of them. (my vision goes back to 20/20 when there is a spider in the area)

It is a *&%^#$@# SPIDER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Must not faint....must not faint......must....get it the hell off my steering wheel.

....without crashing the car.....that would be a good idea.

Can we pull over.....no, I am in the fast lane.

It is friday night, I had to work late all week.....I just wanted to get home so me and my car/rocket ship are in the fast lane speeding home a bit over the speed limint......just a bit ;)

I have heard stories about how car accidents could be caused by spiders.

I understand that now....completely.

I am sure it was just seconds, but it seemed like a life time before I got my wits about me to come up with a plan.

And I only had one shot.

While keeping one hand on the wheel.....we have to bat the spider off the steering wheel.

We only have one shot at this, if I mess it up....he could land on my lap.

Just as the screaming in my head started again, I did it.

I swatted the spider.  (See I am making progress -  I actually "touched" a spider.)

In extra slow motion it flies through the car and lands on the dash board.

Not great I was hoping it would disappear into another dimenion.

But the dash board will have to do.

Just to let you know.....I am a fairly responsible driver....by this time I am in the far right lane planning to pull over before I kill anyone - I am thoughtful, I do not want to ruin anyones weekend.

I then notice that it is really flat and not moving. Woohoo!  I have magical spider killing powers!!!

I am happy and sad.....sad, because as much as I hate spiders, I hate killing animals...even bugs and spiders (except slugs....all bets are off with them) but I am partly happy that I will not have to deal with it and can continue home without having to pull over and spend 20 minutes chasing a spider around my car!

Crisis diverted!  It is going to be a good weekend!

Woohooooooo!

ooooh, no.....it just moved.

Not dead.  Not good.

It is climbing up a web it must have made earlier from the dashboard. (lovely.)

I try to watch him crawl around and watch the road...doing neither one very well.

He climbs from the mirror to the windshield....now he could go two ways at this point - prefered would be towards the passenger side of the car.....away from me.

I am trying to use my mind to will him that direction....unsuccessfully as expected.

He heads towards me.  He is once again hanging directly in front of my face....ready to drop down on the steering wheel again.

This really cannot be happening.

At this point....something snapped in my head.  I had to get him away from me before I crashed my car.....

....no way was I going to try to bat him again.  No sirree - courage is now all gone! My spider touching days are over!

So I reach in my purse and pull out a small lint brush and without hesitating I hit the spider towards the passenger side and throw the link brush after it.

I did all this without crashing the car.

I would have been more impressed if I had not been in shock.

I drove the rest of the way home in silence, I turned off the radio.....I wanted to hear him coming as he crawled back to finish the job :D

I got home and told husband.  Without missing a beat he says "We have to go car shoppimg this weekend don't we?"

"Yes, yes we do." :)

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