Friday, January 2, 2009

Is it really

the right thing (in this case words) at the right time, or am I trying to make this fit. Cause I am a bit lost now and looking for something to "fit" :)

My friend Marc posted this quote on his blog:

"IF YOU CAN'T GET OUT OF IT, GET INTO IT." Sounds good, not too touchy-feely - I don't do the soft, warm, pink, motivatinal poster, fluffy stuff.....missing that part of the girl gene.

So, when I read this, the first thing that came to my mind (unfortunately) is that for a long while now I have found myself in a bad relationship that I cannot get out of

with my job.

You didn't think I would say husband did you? He is perfect as usual :)

I like most of it, I love what I do, but there are a few aspects, that when they are bad. It is almost unbearable. I remember talking to one of our staff motivating consultants about the work/life happiness idea. She said that everyone has their threshold of discomfort that they tolerate, depending on the situation.

She said to look at it on a scale of 1 to 10 1=happy, 10=hate. When the situation is bad, most people can live between 5-7 (at work) most of their lives. Sounds fair, I would put most days around 8, never lower than 6.

I don't believe the conversation helped, in fact, now that I could gauge it, well, I now understand the "ignorance is bliss" concept perfectly.The other day, I think I hit about 15 (and that was nowhere near the worst day.) Seriously wanted to run from the building screaming (I did in my mind) or sit in the bath room crying.

Funny Frog Queen quirk. I can get angry, stupidly angry - say dumb things I regret...the whole nine yards. Which is a bit scary - for me and everyone else around. (Okay, to be honest, husband says, I do have some scary violent tendencies.) I really hate when I let people make me angry. But I will REALLY hate you if you make so angry I want to cry. I hate when I do that crying thing....if you push me that far, I now loathe myself.

But I have a job, it pays okay and in this economy, I am lucky.

Knowing this, and that I have to live with the "get into it" part of the quote.

Because of who I am, I really have been as "into it" as I can for years. I have sacrificed getting things done in my personal life for my job, and it has made no difference - except that I get to keep my job.

In fact, this last year I completed a large, very complicated project - it was horrible. I put in many hours of overtime, but it still ran behind schedule. This did not even come up on my review. Not a mention. That day was about 20 on the scale - but most of my review days are :)

I know that just my bad attitude talking. Oh, and as husband (and friends) will tell you, my "bad attitude" loves to talk, even when no one is listening :)

I will make it work, I always do. It has taken me a while, but I know that compartmentalizing myself into the work me and the not work me has to improve. I know that I am part of this problem....if I could just keep my mouth shut, things would be a lot better.

It is always worse in the winter months when I am not creating anything for the yard.

So tonight husband and I are going to work on our plan of attack for the rest of the year to get ready for Halloween. We have a convention to attend, one to host, haunt awards to create and October 2009 to get ready for. I am feeling better already.

Thanks for reading, and Happy Haunting!

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