Saturday, September 8, 2012

You could tell something was wrong

..he kept asking me.

"What is wrong?"

...in my head I am thinking really?  You have to ask?

I ignore him....but he looks as me again.....all concerned.

"There was a spider crawling on my FACE!!!"

"That was a few minutes ago....it is gone now." is his response.

Yeah, like that makes a difference.

How long have we been married.........Can you not understand?  A few minutes ago.......

THERE WAS A SPIDER CRAWLING ON MY FACE!!!!!

I felt the legs crawling across my eye and down my face!!!

At that moment, besides meteors falling from the sky or the world ending in some less fiery way, I cannot think how anything could be worse.

He may be over what just happened.....I mean he did have to rescue me......but I think I have quite a bit of time ahead of me before I am whole again..

I mean it was just a few years ago that I spider crawled in my EYE.

Wait a moment, that memory still makes me swoon. Lets go back to today.....yeah nothing could be as bad as........

Wait, I am wrong. Today's incident was less traumatic on the grand scale....but only slightly.

Mostly because it just happened.......a few minutes ago.

And in all honesty, I think I handled the situation rather elegantly.

I went to move a ladder, that we had borrowed from a friend to put the abbey frame up last weekend and a spider did his best "spider man" move.....

....swung off the ladder and landed in my hair...

...and proceeded to crawl down my face.

I would have screamed if my vocal cords would have not failed me.

Me, being the calm and collected person that I am.  I just pushed the ladder away, hoping, to all hopes, that there was no spider and that feeling I felt was just my hair got in my eyes.


.....no, no such luck.

......there he was......a huge spider, likely sensing that the apparent acrophobia human he had happened to land upon was sure to kill him........climbed back on the ladder.

I mean I could still see him as he gathered up his web and ran to the side of the ladder hoping he was safe.

Anyone that is afraid of spiders knows...once you spot one....it is like a tracking system......you can follow them with your eyes closed....it is a blessing and a curse.

I finally managed to say "spppppiiiiiiidddddder"

To which I would have though husband would have come running to save me.

.....yeah.....it took him about 5 minutes to get to where I was.

(Okay, more like 30 seconds.....but all I could think was.....get the &%$ over here NOW!)

And to add insult to injury he says.....

"Where is the spider?"

REALLY???!?!???!

"You have GOT to be kidding me."  I say from half way down the driveway.  

You mean you cannot see him...or at this point HEAR him laughing at me from atop the ladder?  What is wrong with you.

Just get it away from me!!!!!

I spend the next few minutes circling around the driveway muttering to myself about the end of the world.

I walk back up the driveway, walk by the ladder and shudder.......

Then he says the last thing I expect him to say.

"What is wrong?"

Can you not see that I am still processing this......it could take hours....and hours of therapy....or a bottle or two of wine.

I am not picky, I will go with either one.

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