Tuesday, September 28, 2010

This story did not end up

the way I predicted.

During the two weeks that we were working on the Extreme Home Makeover project a package came in the mail from ShellHawk.  It said something on it about a "cute cuddly spider" or something like that.  I know Shell, she is very cool, and funny and talented and beautiful....but the reason that I like her best is her evil sense of humor....likes attract in this case.

Anyway, I had visions of all kinds of terribleness lying wait for me in that box.  It sat of at least a week, cause I was not going to open it home alone.  Actually, I was just plain not going to open it.

I will admit it.  I was afraid.  Not proud of it...but it is true.

They call it a phobia for a reason :D

Back to.....so one night we (husband and I and the cats......cause in the whole three stories of the house, with many comfy places to sleep....the cats have to be where ever you are don't they) are sitting in the office answering emails when husband picks up the box and says

"You still have not opened this!?!"

"Nope, not gonna, I was thinking of putting it in the freezer to make sure what ever real spider she sent me was good and dead before I opened it....just to be sure."

Husband looks at me with that look....."That would be so funny if I thought she was kidding"

He then tells me "spiders hibernate you know."

I say " WHAT?!?!?  No, did not and do not want to know!! - So you are saying my freezer idea has a flaw?"

He "Yes, and you are being silly."

In my mind I am thinking "after all these years of marriage, you should not be surprised" but I just say "Call it what you want, not going to open that."

"Do you want me to open it" he asks - shaking the box by his ear.

"Don't wake them up! For goodness sake, are you crazy!!!" I cry.

"I will open it for you."

"Okay, but do we have a flame thrower....or how about some kerosene....maybe some lighter fluid?"

He rolls his eyes "Fine I will open it outside!"

"Still going to need the incendiary devices....outside or inside.  It is the only way to protect ourselves."

At this point he has had enough of me and rips open the package.

Now, if I did not have a gray kitty that is sharp on five ends and scares easily, I would have moved out of the way and into ....another dimension....yeah, that would have been perfect!

He pulls out two cute bottles of hand sanitizer.....Candy Corn and Licorice and looks at them.

"Fine those are lovely.....put don't take your eyes away from the box.....it might eat your hand!!!!"

He puts his hand back in the box.....I can't watch.......It is going to be horrible.

I prepare to scream.
_______________

It is way too silent, that can only mean one thing....oh  no the spider killed husband!!!

Very sad, I am going to miss him :(
______________________________________

I look up and he has this black fluffy thing in his and a very strange look on his face.

He says "I have no idea what this is" and tosses it to me.

I would jump....but we still have that "sharp on five ends" problem on my lap.

I look at it.....it is soft and squishy.....it is a scrubby thing....that is made to look like a spider.



Say it with me....."Aaaahhhhhh"

I show it to husband, "Ah, look it has cute string legs, adorable....oh and look at the cute little face....there is even a bow in on her head.  This is really cute...ahh......"

"That is NOT going in the shower!" he says as he backs the chair away from me.

I think he is kidding and say "This is so cute, I feel bad for not opening it....this will be perfect in the shower."

"That is NOT going in the shower"

I now understand that he was not kidding....I am intrigued.....

Hum......"Why?" I ask.

"Cause it is creepy!  I am not washing with that!"

"Wow, really, I mean it is just as......"

"It is NOT going in the shower!"

"Fine, I will put it in my bathtub then."

At least that is what I told him :)

After all that drama........it is sooooooo going  in the shower!!! Yes it is! :D

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