Wednesday, July 30, 2008

You know who I hate more than John Tesh?

Actually many of you are going - what, that frickin' list is endless!!! Where do we start?
You are going to have to wait until (hopefully) tomorrow, and I am reaching to my flower painted toes for this one. :)

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

This one calls to me

As a vegetarian......this one speaks to my soul - the soul that wants a cheeseburger!!! With bacon and extra cheese!!!!

more cat pictures

Huh, what, vegetarian cheesebuger, you mean back to tofu? Really? Okay, but I dream of ........

Monday, July 28, 2008

Went totaly white trash

..and I wasn't even drinking when I decided to let Tina, my fabulously sweet manicurist, paint flowers on my toe nails.

Yeah, I did. And she was more surprised than I.

If it is any consultation, they are painted black.....with white flowers - I know, yeah, it looks as bad as it sounds.

How could I let this happen you ask?

I made the mistake of telling her that I was going to a wedding, but I still wanted black polish to match my dress. They know me, I think they keep black polish in stock for me, because that is the only color I have painted my either of my nails. She convinced me that flowers would be a nice festive touch, which I needed since I was wearing black to a wedding. (gasp!)

Well, it was a spectacle, everyone in the shop had to come see her actually paint something other than black polish on my toes (I did do pink once, first and last time.) They applauded, it was quite touching actually.

That is until you look at them. Not only did she put a flower with rhinestones (yes, pink rhinestones), but she drew half a heart on each toe (I hear your screams, just barely, over my own) so if I put both of my big toes together side by side, it will shape a heart - what have I done!

On the plus side, I do live practically in SE Portland, so I do not have far to go to find the trailer of my dreams.

God, does this mean I have start drinking beer?

Now, if I can just get Jeff to cut his hair in a mullet.

Friday, July 25, 2008

You aren't using it anyway...

I am not talking about your brain, although if you are reading this blog, you are definately not using your brain.

But did you know boys and girls, that you could get money for your soul?

(evil grin) - like I can do anything else.

Join me my could be fun.

Thursday, July 24, 2008

Ode to lawn ornaments

~~~~~~~~A break (big) from reality~~~~~~~~~~~~

I recently got a most excellent lawn ornament from a Halloween friend, she calls them Skel-o-ingos. A must have for any Goth/Halloween/sense of humor gardener.
In my naivety, I thought that they were just a the product of forgetting to feed your lawn ornaments while on vacation. But earlier today I learned their true origin.

It appears that a race of metal creatures, called "Gnome Bgones" did the noble work of ridding the world of garden gnomes. As an avid gardner, I believe it is truly an under appreciated service. Here is a rare photo of them at work.

As their numbers dwindled, the gnomes of France fought back and pulled their money together to finance the movie Amélie. This proved to be a huge setback for the Gnome Bgones. The world was now flooded with tourists lugging around gnomes on their vacation. All seemed lost.

Kowing that gnomes were less popular in the US, the Gnome Bgones tried to break into Hollywood only to see their gnome destruction scene in Gremlins fall to the cutting room floor. It was clear that another plan was needed.

Since everyone in New Zealand hates gnomes*, the Gnome Bgones broke into Peter Jackson's home and scribble in a new scene in "Frighteners", that depicted many gnomes being run over and crushed. The New Zealand loathing for gnomes paid off and the scene stayed in the movie. The Gnomes Bgone showed the gnomes of the world they meant business.

Today the gnome population is at an all time low. The world is not yet gnome free, but we are getting closer.

Today many of the Gnome Bgones find themselves with too much free time.

The brave have gone on to fight the evil master himself the Travelocity gnome.

Sadly it appears the younger generation believe with the backing of Travelocity's marketing budget the master is untouchable and the battle is lost. Many have turned to a life of crime, stealing garden gloves for fun. (The clever ones frame a cat.)

Luckily for many of us gardners, a large population retired in Florida, to discover their new enemy - pink flamingos!

With their fresh new purpose the Gnome Bgones are back at work and the gardening world is safe again.

Keep fighting the good fight boys, my garden thanks you.

Got gnomes or flamingos? Get your own Gnome Bgone!

Support the Gnome Bgones and get your own Skel-o-ingo.

(BTW-yes, I know the dates of the movie references don't work exactly, perfectly, absolutely in order - but then neither do I.)

*allegedly (creative license)

~~~~~~~~back to the work/real world/play ~~~~~~~~

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

I thought I knew scary

Because I:
  1. I decorate for Halloween.

  2. Been in a graveyard in the middle of nowhere at midnight

  3. Sat through a lecture on "orbs" in photographs*

  4. Been to Greyfriar's Kirkyard to visit Mackenzie's tomb several times - considered by some to be the most haunted place in the world. (I didn't see/feel anything poltergeisty.)

  5. Read HP Lovecraft every chance I get

  6. Clive Barker is my favorite author

  7. Watched many scary movies**

  8. Visited many (alleged) haunted places

  9. Watched a lot of horror films***

  10. I went to Catholic school

  11. Taken many "ghost tours" in the UK

  12. I watched the first season of LOST****

  13. Walked from the train station to The Mean Fiddler to see Fish outside of London, which I happen to find not even the locals will do, very dodgy neighborhood.

  14. Lived in Hemet, California*****

  15. Went to Paris without speaking French

But this, my friends, is the scariest thing I have ever seen.

John Tesh with that hair, there is nothing more horrifying

just imagine that picture with horns on his head and flames in the background, yeah, I won't be able to sleep tonight either

* Ghosts, really, you think those are ghosts? Please, in the Northwest we call that rain on the camera lens.

** Blair Witch Project was ghastly (at least the 20 minutes I made it through before I made the wise decision to shut it off).

*** Okay, The Exorcist is not near as scary as I remember from my childhood.

****Only scary in the fact that
I will never get that weekend of my life back! This comic explains my feelings perfectly. (should have learned from my Blair Witch experience.)

***** Middle of nowhere, hotter than Hades, ugly, and full of bitter retirees (because they cannot afford to live in Palm Springs with the posh people)

Special thanks to the Babbling Banshee for the photo that inspired this post :)

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