Friday, November 13, 2009

So I have a the very

large Davis Graveyard sign in my hands, you know that big 4x8 sheet of foam with columns on it. Not particularly heavy, just bulky when you are trying to walk up the stairs. I was following behind the people that were carrying the Joan monument......

So at the first landing the last thing I want to hear is:

"You don't want to come up here"

Hum, that cannot be good and only mean one thing


Okay, don't have to tell me twice, I'll wait.

I start playing the anti spider Muzak track in my head....going to my happy place of rainbows and ice cream.......

Obviously the music was not loud enough...

I can hear them running around discussing how to catch it to set it free...(I have great friends, not only are they helping me put props away...they are rescuing me from a spider.)

"You hold this....I am going to get, that is a big.....damn, that is a big spider!"

"Chris, you seriously do not want to come up here."

As if I was even thinking about it!

I was trying to figure out how to get you all to put the rest of the yard away without me....I think I am going to faint.

Then it happens, I hear, what I deem to be, at that moment, the scariest words in the universe.

"Where did it go?"

No, no, no NFW!....I did not just hear that....I am outta here!

I drop the sign.

Bye everyone, enjoy putting the yard away!!!!

I envision myself running down the driveway, hands waving in the air....screaming something about my ice cream being filled with the spiders dropping from the rainbows......waiting for the loony bin truck to come pick me up.......then I think . . .

Ah, come on, how big can it be....I mean I exaggerate about the size :) of spiders (come on people) all the time.....maybe this one is the same. Live an let live.

So I say. "Well, if it crawled off in a corner and is hiding I am fine with that, just leave her."

"Chris, this is not good, this is not rainbows and ice creams....this is a scary spider."

Holy Crap! I have the a opposite of rainbows and ice cream in the form of a spider in my shop!!

There is only one obvious solution.

Everyone out, we are torching the place!

Just about the time I was setting to get the matches I hear them say......

"Got her, let's throw her out the window."

Which to those words, I look over out the garage doors below the window to see all the guys taking down the scaffolding....right there, below the window, where there is soon to be a spider that is the opposite of rainbows and ice cream.

Now, if I was a nice person, and we all know that I am not, I could have said something.....but I did not. I am going to blame it on I was speechless with fear......... :)

Then, the two ladies...yes there were ladies catching the spider....realized what they did as soon as they threw her out the window and gave the guys a heads up.

They all step back out of the way.....

Then I see three guys looking at the wall where the spider landed and say.

"Damn, that is a big spider!"

I shudder as my skin crawls and I head to the freezer for a shot of Jaager! :) (Not really, I thought about it!)

.....the worst of it is, my happy place with rainbows and ice now overrun by spiders!!! Hand me the chocolate syrup! :D


  1. damn, woman! you really are afraid of spiders! fun reading--thanks!

  2. I'm not a fan of them either but we get other Large creepy crawlies I can't stand here which make me "EEEK!" to a decibel that hurts dogs ears! (Did you get Time Traveler's Wife yet?)

  3. Saddest part is, I spent most of this post thinking to myself, "Damn, I wish I could see a pic of this big spider!!!" haha, grasshoppers I can't stand, yet I think spiders are beautiful! (Weird, I know!)

  4. They are ALL big spiders! Eeek!

  5. Like Dixie, I found myself hoping for a spider picture. You wouldn't have to have taken it yourself. Have one of your minions do it. Maybe it's not too late. Maybe the spider is still around . . . ;)


  7. Being a fellow I can't stand 'pyders kinda girl myself I commend you on not screaming the words... "Just SQUISH it" or "KILL IT, KILL IT NOW!"

    and... too bad you didn't get a photo for Angie... she just loves those lil/big critters...

  8. My wife hate spiders too. As for myself, I can live with them very well knowing that the species living in my area are totally harmless. Most of the time, when I see a spider in the house, I don't tell it to my wife or I will have to kill it... poor thing :-)

    Nice story!

  9. You're too funny! Great read, my wife asked what I was laughing at, so I read it to her so we could both laugh (with you).

  10. I can imagine you decked out in a lead apron with a welders mask and blow torch taking that mofo out!

  11. Sorry gorgeous...I did not mean to ruin the Rainbow and Ice Cream place for you!

    So my gift to you is your all new shiney Castles and Captains (Morgan) place. Beautiful castles and rum for days!!!

  12. Dawn - you are so thoughtful!! That is why I loves you :)

    And thanks for rescuing me from the spider!! I owe you big time!


  13. Our building maintenance guy sent out a building-wide e-mail this morning that started with: "I just walked in to find a spider trap on my desk containing spiders." (Apparently he set out spider traps - thankfully we don't seem to have critters in our dept. - and someone just left one there without indicating where in the building it came from.)

    I hit Reply All and sent this: "Aaaaaand you've just given this major arachnophobe a new, hellish vision."

    Ack! Spiders on a desk!


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