Friday, August 7, 2009

There are few words that strike terror in my heart

like the word..... in.t....

can barely

here goes

no.....finger will not

the screaming in my head is getting deafening!!!!



Wow, I did it.

I likely will not be able to do it again, so from now on I will use the word "banana". (Actually that works for me because I hate bananas as well.)

Anyway, some colleges and over priced art institute's are ways wanting to give their students real working experience. Very thoughtful and seems like a prudent idea.

We will give you this "free" help and in turn they can learn from you. Still, sounds sane enough.

That is why I have on occasion said "Why yes, I would love to have a banana come work with me."

Now, you would think I would know better, I have never had a good working experience with bananas. :)

Now, in your mind you are thinking, wow, I can have them help me with all these things and I will have time to get the important things done.

But in is like saying you will watch your friends 2 year old and clean out the garage at the same time. That only works if you can put the two year old in a cage while you clean the garage. Has worked for me....oops, did I say that out loud :D

Same with a banana, you cannot leave them unsupervised they will f*ck up even the simplest of projects. (And there appears to be some labor laws about putting people in cages, at least in the state I work)

I kid you not.....this is my latest banana tale. It is scary, that is why I am sharing it with you.

I asked my new spray paint some lettering - with a stencil on some cardboard boxes. I even provided a picture of what it should look like when it was done. I did a few myself so that the banana could see how it was done. Easy job for a banana, and it has to be more interesting than the filing I was going to have the banana do.

Well, it was not easy enough....cause let me tell you......I cannot believe that NONE of the boxes the banana painted are usable. Not a one. And we are still impressed on what in the &*^% the banana was thinking it was doing.

My friends, be this a lesson to you, just say "no" to bananas.

My wonderful department just got done helping me fix most of them....because I sent the banana to "help" another department. A department that I don't like very much - obviously :D


  1. I think you need a drink. Could I interest you in a banana daiquiri? *giggles quietly*

  2. I'm giggling at Ghoul Friday's comment. :)

    Also, I share your pain when it comes to bananas. Though I must say, we just lost one who was a real asset... we marveled and marveled over how he was actually an asset.


  3. My favorite intern is our little buddy, Christmas Ape. (Don't ask about the name, unless you want a long story.) He's a stuffed ape I've had for 20 years and is convinced that there's nothing a banana or a handful of peanuts can't fix.
    I envy him his simplicity of thought.

    Yes, I am weird. Thanks for asking.

  4. You are my kind of weird....and I have to ask....tell me the story. I like long stories, did you not read my last blog post? :D

  5. Dang you make me laugh....thank you for that...ever see a banana split?

  6. Having worked with a few bananas in the past you have my deepest sympathy.

    Banana bread maybe?

  7. Christmas Ape is my dirty little secret [no longer]. A gift from my mom, she named him. He arrived with a red bow. Somehow, he always got packed away with the Christmas stuff. Don't really know why... When Mr. ShellHawk and I got married, he took off the red bow, and eventually said that he deserved to live on the bed for the whole year.

    Somehow, Christmas Ape (Chris Aype on Facebook, BTW)developed a personality. I.e.: we used him as a furry puppet to say things to each other at first, after awhile morphing into "Christmas Ape says..." (Mostly translations of "Ook," and, "Hoot.")

    He was once attacked viciously by one of the dogs (heartbreaking to see his stuffing all over the room!), and subsequently taken to the hospital (a.k.a. the alterations place nearby). The bill read, "Ape Mend." Seriously! And the woman said, "You might want to consider just buying a new one, considering how much it'll cost you to fix him." ($15.00) We looked at her like she was crazy, she looked at us like we were crazy. He got mended, and though not as perfect as he once was (who of us is?) he is just as loved.

    But we still can't get him over his fear of dogs.

  8. Roughly 1 million years ago when I was in the Air Force, I supervised a friend doing an independant study project. He was going to the same College I was going to and he needed 3 more credit hours in Computer Science. At the time I was supervising programmers in a team-lead capacity, so I seemed like the right guy to be signing off on a grade for this "class"...
    So, as his project was to be something my group was involved in / be useful to our customers, he got a relatively simple project that could be accomplished by one person within a couple days...
    Needless to say, he thought he was getting an "A" no matter what, and I thought I was going to get at least some useful work for free / with no time cost to myself... It took me longer to handhold him through what work he did than it would have taken to do the work myself. And like any banana situation, about the time he was ready to work on his own, the class was over. Aaaarrrrggghhh!!! Investing any time in an employee that you don't get to keep after you have them fixed up the way you want them is not fun. Plus, in this case I didn't like being friends with him afterward, sigh.
    I feel for you.

  9. Stolloweeen....ah, no I have not, yet, but my banana is due back on Wednesday (unless that other department tosses him to me soonerr), so....don't you have to split a banana before you make banana bread Squirrel Queen? We might be on to something :D

    ShellHawk, LOL!! I appreciate that so much - ah, I now know I can send you .....bananas, and a good dog muzzle. BTW - you are crazy, my kinda crazy :)

    Carrie Mae - just because you won the banana lottery does not mean you get to rub it in my face!!! :D Seriously, how the *(^& did you do that?

    Quinn, my always, my heart is out to you for your life experiences....I would not have made it as far as you....without serious jail time.


  10. Crazt. Creative. Whatever. Same damn thing!

  11. My deepest sympathy Frog Queen.

    I got my experiences too with bananas. I'm thinking about one in particular who did only one project as I wanted it to be (the one I supervised him). Thinking he was good enough and understood how I wanted him to program websites, I let him loose on some projects. Then, last year, as I was caring my newborn son and his mother, I left that banana take care of one of my important project. This is when the real disaster happened. He should have been able to finish the projet with about maybe 8 hours of work. When I came back to work 2 weeks later, the project was not completed and was a total mess. I had to work one complete week to put everything back together. So the almost perfect projet that would earn a good money for the company ended to cost money to it. Great!! We also learned the banana would leave the company because he didn't earned enough money a week later. I learn two things from this banana:

    1. Never expect too much of a banana. Always look at the work of the banana otherwise you're in big trouble.

    2. Never give too much to a banana. It can become rotten. Make sure to peel it well and look under to be sure it's not rotten. If it's rotten the pick another one if you can.

  12. I work at a place where people want to be, so I guess we get good applicants. It's sheer luck on my part.

    If it helps, I was sure a "banana" that started the same week as me three years ago was going to get me fired. Worst i*ter* ever.

    He got the job because he dad was someone "very important," and he thought it was okay to sit around in my cube all day and talk to me while I was trying to work (and while he was busy stinking at his menial tasks).


  13. That was a hilarious post! Yep, hiring bananas usually means you will be baby-sitting them 24/7.

    You've started another blog! I must catch up on things.

  14. You're working with fruit? Well...that's not entirely unusual... :)


Blog Archive